One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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