to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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