i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
