The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Duck Duck Cougar?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
