Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
