I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
