So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Little spoons don't ask big questions
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We left the knife in your bed.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
