How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
