I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
