piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
