I cannot find my penis.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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