I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
