this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize