We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
