So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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