Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
