i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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