I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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