At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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