I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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