she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
