Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
