And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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