I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
