Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i used baking grease as lip gloss
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
