all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
