dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
