They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
