Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I need a beard to bite.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
