If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
