she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
