please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
