whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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