If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
