Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
