I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize