i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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