So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
