he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
