dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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