HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
