I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
