You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
