I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
