i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
