Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
