if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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