lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
