why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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