I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
