i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
