things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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