I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
