I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
