She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
