You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
