Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
