thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
