I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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