just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
