4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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