I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize