Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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