I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
