Quick, to the slutcave!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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