That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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