Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So vagazzling was a success
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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