worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
