sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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