anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
