guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
