You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
