Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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