Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize