so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
