I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
