I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
