wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
