actually, I'm a sock model
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
